They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your cock deserves a montage
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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