So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize