You work out of a Hotel?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
