Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize