Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
