Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My penis needs a shock collar
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize