I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
