Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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