I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think my fart just growled at me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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