Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
