Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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