new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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