He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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