my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
