now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
