I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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