guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
