I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
