its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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