I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
