sarcasm needs its own font
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
