DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
