I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
