idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
