Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
