Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
