What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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