What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize