Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
