i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
