dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
