I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
