Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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