Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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