I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
