but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
