GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize