I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
