just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
