I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
