ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
