So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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