I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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