I need help removing her.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize