I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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