Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
