I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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