Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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