I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
