i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
