I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
