For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
