well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
