oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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