whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
