I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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