I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
