We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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