she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
