...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
