I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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