So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
