I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
