Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
