We won't sleep together?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
