Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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