herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize