apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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