The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
