i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
