I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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