Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
