After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I forget how to act sober
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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