your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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