the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
