He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
