Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
