Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
