i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
