If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
