At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
