God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
