do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
