dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
