I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
