I wish i was in the wii world.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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