Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
