I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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