I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
