shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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