I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
