I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
