Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
zippers are such a cool invention
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Randomize
