I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I could fuck to npr.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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