Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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