reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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