I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
