i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
