Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
