the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
