She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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