i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
