The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
