I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
