I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
