I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
