He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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