So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize