oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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