can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
