i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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