I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The air was thick with penises
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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