Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize