He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
