my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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