rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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